From The Vault: Halloween 5 (1989) Simon Fitzjohn October 14, 2016 Editor's Choice, From The Vault 1 Comment 2620 The first serious, full-blown dud of the Myers saga, Halloween 5 is a tragically boring, infuriating effort with little in the way of redeeming features. As I wrote in my recent piece on Halloween 4, while not being a classic by any stretch of the imagination, 1988’s fourth effort was solid stuff and certainly did nothing to sully the franchise’s name. But all that went out of the window with the fifth as some bizarre storyline decisions, a bunch of incredibly annoying characters and a lack of on-screen gore make The Revenge of Michael Myers a tough watch. Myers had supposedly been blown to smithereens at the end of the earlier film, but rather than find his body to prove it (naturally), everybody toddles off home and gets on with their lives. Wouldn’t you know though, Michael had actually crawled out of the wreckage, floating downstream until he shacks up with a country bumpkin who lives near the river. Fast forward a year and Myers has obviously had enough of that, offing the old man who nursed him back to health and heading to Haddonfield for his annual knifefest. Back in Haddonfield, Jamie Lloyd (having survived the last movie) is now in a children’s clinic, wired up to all sorts of contraptions and apparently now dumb to boot. In the first bizarre tonal shift, the writers now insist that Jamie has a telepathic link to Michael, allowing her to anticipate his arrival – and his kills. I’m not quite sure why this theory became so popular around this time – after all the same stunt was pulled with Jason in the woeful Friday the 13th Part 7. But what it does allow is the return (yet again) of Donald Pleasance as Dr Loomis, producing a manic performance that probably even tops his antics in the previous films. In fact, Loomis has almost become a caricature of his original incarnation, popping out of the shadows and appearing at fortuitous moments as much as Myers himself. Other characters return from the previous entry, including Ellie Cornell as Rachel, who pops up for a quick shower scene before being knifed out of the franchise, as well as Beau Starr as Sheriff Meeker. And this time around we get the introduction of the ‘sinister’ man in the black coat, who pops up every now and then to keep tabs on Myers and features heavily in the film’s climax – all totally unexplained of course. The pacing by director Dominique Othenin-Girard is desperately slow and entire swathes of film plod along, with you desperate for Myers to pop up and put the characters out of their misery – a barn scene that goes on for at least five minutes too long being a great example. There are also precious few characters to root for – one dickhead central actor even elects to turn up at a party dressed as Myers – something every right-minded individual would do surely, considering Michael carved a path through the town merely a year earlier! Even Danielle Harris, producing more solid work for someone so young it must be said, grates as Jamie, whimpering and whining her way through the film. Don Shanks takes on Myers duties this time around, but has very little to do. Effects-wise there is nothing to write home about, with once again too many of the kills being off screen, with a rake through the skull being a rare highlight. In fact, I am sat here struggling to come up with any reason why anyone should put themselves through Halloween 5 – unless you are a completest of course. But, in case you think I am being a bit harsh, I leave you with one parting shot – in this movie, Michael Myers actually cries. I shit you not. Andreas Charalambous “in this movie, Michael Myers actually cries.” …and so will you, at the thought of losing those 96 minutes that you will never get back, when you could have spent that time pulling out your own fingernails with a pair of pliers!