Creature features have been a favourite genre of mine ever since I, somewhat bizarrely, happily sat through Michael Caine dud The Swarm when I was a mere nipper.

Since then I’ve lapped up plenty of giant crocs, ants, grizzly bears, killer whales and the like, munching down on some nature-gone-bad goodness.

Spiders always seem to feature prominently in films of this ilk, whether it be Kingdom Of The Spiders, Arachnophobia or Eight-Legged Freaks.

Well, taking the spider theme up once more is Tibor Takacs’ imaginatively titled Spiders 3D, a flick that – you’ve guessed it – contains plenty of spiders (in 3D).

Takacs’ effort contains all the themes you have come to expect from this sort of stuff – namely cheesy dialogue, some ropey acting, dodgy CGI and a rushed conclusion, but it still has the power to entertain.

This time round the problem lies with those pesky Soviets, who for some reason back in the day were experimenting on spiders on a space station.

Naturally those spiders ran amok and offed the crew and, years later, the spacecraft breaks up in the earth’s atmosphere, plummeting into a crowded New York City subway station.

Before long those spiders have set up a nest underground, multiplying (and increasing in size) at a rapid rate.

To add to the nastiness, these spiders like to lay their eggs inside human hosts, leading to plenty of New Yorkers biting the dust.

Into this mess wades transit boss Jason Cole (Patrick Muldoon), who, in order to give the film some supposed drama, is going through a sticky divorce from his wife (Christa Campbell).

What odds will you give me that the impending crisis brings the husband, wife and their daughter closer together? Yep, I think we know where that’s heading…….

And, if you thought the film wasn’t quite clichéd enough, turns out the military want to get their hands on these bugs as their webbing could prove useful – when will these people ever learn?

Anyways, before long NYC is swarming with these oversized critters, leading to a logjam of poor effects, forced 3D moments and plenty of laughs – some intentional it must be said.

Spiders 3D rolls along at a fair old pace, and you’ll be wondering just how Takacs will get things all wrapped up inside 85 minutes, only for the conclusion to come and go in the virtual blink of an eye.

Muldoon, who has popped up in the likes of Starship Troopers and Stigmata in the past, proves a likeable lead and at least makes it clear he’s not taking things too seriously.

Campbell, who has the likes of Drive Angry, The Mechanic and The Iceman on her recent resume, doesn’t get a tremendous amount to work with other than running around looking scared – which she does pretty well.

There’s also a welcome appearance from Aliens veteran William Hope who turns up as – surprise, surprise, a dodgy military type who has duplicity on his mind.

Director Takacs could probably do stuff like this in his sleep, having brought the likes of Mega Snake, Ice Spiders and Meteor Storm to the screen in the past.

And, despite the many faults, Spiders 3D does prove a useful timewaster – just don’t expect anything new, or, for that matter, particularly good.

EXTRAS: Making Of featurette, cast and crew interviews

VERDICT: [rating=3]

About The Author

Simon Fitzjohn

Simon is a journalism tutor in London, who also just happens to be a movie fanatic, with a craving for the darker side of cinema. He has written two books, one on the horror films of director Bob Clark (2014) and the other on the history of the character Norman Bates (2015). His third book, on the work of British exploitation director Pete Walker, is due in 2017.