“This isn’t a normal shark, it swims, it kills and it’s out there” – sounds like a normal shark to me.

I honestly don’t know why I do this to myself. I go onto iTunes, I look at the 99p rental offers and think “oh I know, I’ll treat myself to something utterly awful”.

This bad habit has got to stop, as it’s a waste of 99p and it’s eating up my somewhat limited spare time. Not only that, it’s leaving me craving with a need to watch something decent.

If you’ve not guessed by the title, Swamp Shark is a monster movie about a shark in a swamp. It’s essentially Jaws in the Atchafalaya Basin.

Starring Kristy Swanson (the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and Robert Davi (that bloke from The Goonies), the movie is your typical TV blockbuster that you’d come to expect from the SyFy channel. Naturally, the shark is CGI, looks fake and gives the viewer more laughs than scares.

After a freak accident (which is so boring I can’t even be bothered to explain it), a rare shark is released into the fresh water swamps and goes around causing havoc for all the locals.

Eating people who are probably too stupid and 2-dimensional for their own good, including a dim witted couple who decide that they want to get some privacy for some lovin’ by sailing to the middle of the lake where everyone can see what they’re up to – the CGI shark then goes on to to ruin the local festivities of Gatorfest (a festival celebrating alligators I guess).

Some people get terrorised by it and then some dumb teens (including Gary Sinese’s daughter) find themselves faced with the possiblity that they might be freshwater shark food.

Ultimately predictable and with a script that sinks just as low as Kristy Swanson’s top, Swamp Shark is about as much fun as getting lost in an actual swamp.

About The Author

Colin lives in south west London. Looks like a hobbit and has been watching films ever since he saw Return of the Jedi at the age of 3. You can follow Colin on Twitter @obicolkenobi.